getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize