woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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