you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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