ugly people sure do ruin things
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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