Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is Oprah even human
This toilet bowl is my home.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
