dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My vagina is very pro this idea
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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