Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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