You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
