Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
