Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
