i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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