I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
