he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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