Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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