There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He passed out mid-signature
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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