wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
