Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
