Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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