who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize