I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she looked like the before picture.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
