We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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