My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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