hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
