do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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