How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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