I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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