...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
