I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
