It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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