I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
