the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
