He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
