yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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