She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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