Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
