Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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