Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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