I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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