ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
