Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
