Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
