You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
