just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
