i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize