My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
