I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
