can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
