he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
