I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
