clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
