i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
