I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
