Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
