FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
