i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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