Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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