matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
