Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
