just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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