So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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