Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
