And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
