you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize