Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
