So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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