so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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