my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
