if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
