i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
