I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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