We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was born a porn star she said
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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