are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You made out with two different species that night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
