I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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