You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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