I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
