I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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