trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
