Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
