I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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