I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
