i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize