Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
