I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
