your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
