I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
