not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
