The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
