hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
