Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
