You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
