I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
