STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
