Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
