someone threw a dead crab at me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize