you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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