u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
