No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
