This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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