So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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