i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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