I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
