No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Soap is not a condiment
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My feet surprised me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
