wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
