It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
