I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize