Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
