I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
