did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
