Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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