ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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