Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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