Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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