Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
