i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize