I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
