just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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